10. If you’re not going to fix your half of the property line fence, at least buy a decent bull.
9. Farm caps should not be worn to weddings or funerals — unless they’re real clean.
8. Always shout out at least one warning before unloading your shotgun at trespassers — you know, just in case they turn out to be Christmas carolers or something.
7. Avoid spreading chicken litter adjacent to the new neighbors at least until they owe you a few favors.
6. Cattlemen should refrain from going up to fish-eaters at restaurants and asking what part of a cow “that” came from.
5. When schoolkids come by for a farm visit, it’s always better to say “Get off the #^*@ tractor, please.”
4. You can pencil-out break-evens on the church bulletin — but not during the service.
3. Remove the baler parts from the picnic table when friends come over for a barbecue.
2. Bringing home a doughnut from the Extension meeting for your wife does not qualify as a “present.”
1. If the person following your slow-moving tractor is the landlord, let him by; if it’s the preacher, let him by; if it’s the guy who bought the 160 you wanted, he needs to learn patience.