10. Wake up a grouchy old farmer who’s nodded off in the recliner and he may look like Jason without the hockey mask.

9. The underwear isn’t part of a costume.

8. Those spider webs on the porch, the creepy coyote howling, the dead possum in the yard — they’re real.

7. With current prices, you might get an ear of corn and a handful of soybeans.

6. God help you if you show up dressed like an EPA inspector.

5. That’s not a horror movie playing the background, it’s the news.

4. Nobody’s going to gnaw your leg off but they might talk your leg off — weather, prices, politics, the neighbors...

3. The hay yard is not a big bale maze — he was just in a hurry.

2. If he has anhydrous tanks around, it might be safer to go on to the next house.

1. Chances are, you’re wasting your time — they’re out cutting beans.