10. When buying clothes for your wife, steal tags from her closet — don’t try to describe her size with hand gestures.
9. Stick a flag on your bale spear so you can find your truck in the parking lot.
8. If you’re searching for your wife, focus on stores that smell like a perfume vat exploded or ones that sell shoes.
7. Yeah, coffee in the food court is pricey; get over it.
6. You’ll end up sitting on a bench while your wife shops. If you want a pleasant ride home, don’t pick the one in front of Victoria’s Secret.
5. Do not rationalize that a new chain saw is a good choice for your wife on account of how she likes to stay warm.
4. When you’re absolutely bored to death waiting on her, estimate how much hay the place would hold.
3. Accept the fact that you’ll look more out-of-place with your Stetson than the kid with purple hair and a safety pin through his nose.
2. If you inspect the hay quality at the nativity scene, people will think you’re odd.
1. You know you’re going to give up and get her a gift certificate anyway so just do it first thing.