10. Most of his time is spent taking ‘selfies’ — him and the cows, him and the tractor, him and the 40 rods of electric fence he rolled up in the rotary mower.
9. He fails to comprehend the geometric implications of a 90-degree turn through a 16-ft. gate while pulling a 45-ft. bale trailer.
8. He turned the bull out with the heifers because “well, you know, he like looked lonely, man.”
7. He gets his hoop earring caught crawling under the combine and the volunteer fire department has to extricate him.
6. Texting while moving to the next field results in new mail boxes for the neighbors.
5. Every time you get in the tractor after him the radio is tuned to a hip-hop channel — at maximum volume.
4. He eats more than he’s worth and smiles too much at your daughter.
3. Previous ag experience consists of visiting a petting zoo in third grade.
2. Wearing his Beats headphones prevents him from hearing the pipe gate he’s dragging down the blacktop.
1. By the time you’re done working cattle he has two ear-tags attached to his glove but is now immune to blackleg.