Farm Talk

February 19, 2013

The Top 10 ways a farmer—not you, of course— expresses himself on Valentine’s Day:

by Mark Parker

Parsons, Kansas — 10. He tells her to sit tight—he’ll get the gates today.

9. He asks his seed dealer for a hoodie in her size.

8. He moves the equipment off the lawn and promises not to apply chicken litter while her mother is visiting.

7. No chocolates at the farm store but there was a sale on jumper cables.

6. He points out that he told her he loved her when they got married and that, if anything had changed, he would have let her know.

5. He suggests that, seeing how it’s Valentine’s Day, after she picks up parts she ought to stop at Sonic so she won’t have to cook tonight.

4. He promises that, this year when they go to the county fair, they’re going to borrow a nicer camper.

3. He hands over the TV remote control but cautions it’s only for tonight.

2. He knows how fiscally conservative his wife is so, respecting her wishes, he gets her nothing.

1. He remembers she said she loved stuffed animals and he can’t wait for her to see what he picked up at the taxidermist’s shop. £