Parsons, Kansas —
10. The vehicle he pulls up in has no bale spear, gun rack, dog of undetermined parentage or crack in the windshield.
9. He’s sniffing the air as if it’s odd to smell a little cow manure mixed in with the bacon and eggs aroma.
8. He has no idea how much rain he got last night.
7. He orders a ‘crepe flan’ and the waitress warns him to watch his language.
6. He’s a little taken back that the cooler by the door contains bait in addition to pop and beer.
5. He sits at a table everybody in town knows is informally reserved for the local liars club.
4. He uses that stuff that kills bacteria on your hands — and then douses down the surrounding area.
3. He stares at the spittoon in the corner as if he’s never seen one in a fine restaurant.
2. He seems puzzled that, after the first cup, he has to get his own refills.
1. His tip is in the form of foldable money rather than pocket lint and spare change. £