Farm Talk

Farm Talk's Top 10

March 24, 2010

The Top Ten characteristics of small town cafes:

Parson, Kansas — 10. The waitress knows the patrons well enough to tell them to get their own darn coffee.

 9. Major topics of conversation include weather, prices, government, weather, Friday night’s game, and weather.

 8. When a stranger walks in, all conversation ceases for a moment.

 7. Frequently, today’s special is a gravy-added reincarnation of yesterday’s special.

 6. Political persuasions represented around the table include conservative, real conservative OMG conservative, and “that Atilla the Hun guy had some pretty good ideas.”

 5. No jukebox, no TVs—just a DTN weather-market monitor drawing a big crowd.

 4. Items of decor may include a cap collection, ranch scene calendars, brands burned into the wall, a Big Mouth Billy Bass that sings “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” and an implement dealership parts drop-box.

 3. There’s at least one guy who seems to be there every day, all day.

 2. The food tastes better than it does at that place your wife likes to go in the city and it costs about 1/5 as much.

 1. The primary sticking point in major business transaction negotiations conducted there is who’s picking up the pie and coffee tab.

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