by Mark Parker
Parsons, Kansas —
10. Loud noises can scare livestock so do not to scream while being chased.
9. Beware of Ninja tail—cow switches armed with sun-dried mud balls and possessing a range of about three feet.
8. He may be small but a well-placed kick from a little calf can ruin your day.
7. Be aware of subtle changes in disposition such as snorts sending nasal discharge into the stratosphere followed by a head butt that pretzelizes a corral panel.
6. Simple farm physics: hungry ram hits feed bucket, feed bucket hits farmer’s shin.
5. Wrapping a lead rope around your hand will help you hang onto your critter—the question is, do you really want to?
4. When contemplating keeping a bottle-fed heifer, remember there’s a big difference between 150-lbs. of friendliness and 1,150-lbs. of friendliness.
3. The prospect of running into a hedge row is less intimidating to the runaway horse than it is to the rider on his back.
2. Keep in mind that even that friendly old milk cow can have a bad day now and then.
1. The people who built your pickup know a bull can’t ram through the door and you know a bull can’t ram through the door but, unfortunately, the bull may not know it.