by Mark Parker
Parsons, Kansas —
10. Solid long-term weather forecasting ranging from a new Ice Age to unprecedented heat and drought.
9. Absolutely guaranteed ways to fix problems in the Persian Gulf and Middle East PDQ.
8. Who just bought a new tractor and why he can’t possibly afford it.
7. Why the high school basketball team is so bad—99 percent of the time it’s the coach.
6. Irrefutable evidence of global warming.
5. Irrefutable evidence global warming is hogwash.
4. Why Walmart is ruining small towns and, by the way, they’ve got a heckuva sale on tires.
3. How there will be one farmer per county in five years and he’ll be employed by all the seed, implement, chemical and grain companies after they all merge with the board of trade.
2. How so-and-so paid way, way too much for those heifers—and the guy telling it ought to know ‘cause he had the next-to-last bid.
1. Details about a fellow in Texas whose steers were electrocuted by electronic ID ear tags. £