Farm Talk

May 7, 2013

The Top 10 driving directions in rural America:

by Mark Parker

Parsons, Kansas — 10.  When you see a set of black first-calf heifers, you’re almost there—if they’re red, you’ve gone too far.

 9.  Hang a left where that big hay barn used to be (key words: “used to be”)

 8.  You can see it from the top of the hill but you can’t get here from there.

 7.  Whatever you do, don’t pay any attention to your GPS.

 6.  When you come to a cattle guard, back up a quarter mile, call me and I’ll come get you.

 5.  It’s right past the old Smith place (that would be the Smiths who lived there in the 1940s).

 4.  It’s easy: left, right, left again, right, cross over the interstate, left, right, cross over the interstate again, past the railroad tracks, bear right before the low-water crossing—you can’t miss it.

 3.  And once you pass that field that has last year’s big round bales still out there, start lookin’ for an old silo with a mulberry tree growing out of it—make sure it’s not the one with the elm tree, though.

 2.  You don’t have one of those little cars with low clearance, do you?

 1.  It really doesn’t look much like a road but if you keep your speed up you’ll be okay. £