Farm Talk

Farm Talk's Top 10

August 28, 2012

The Top Ten things that would happen if a cattleman were elected president:

Parsons, Kansas — 10. Presidential press conference responses dominated by “yep,” “nope” and, “Sonny, you ask me that one more time and I’ll have your #@** tossed outa here.”

9. Red hotline phone connects to the President’s order buyer instead of the Kremlin.

8. Security detail headed up by big ol’ boy from back home.

7. First Lady is mad because he invited that fella who’s the big dog from one of those little African countries to stay for supper.

6. First presidential demand: Either graze the White House lawn or bale it.

5. PETA’s tax status scrutinized, re-scrutinized and then scrutinized again.

4. All foreign aid now delivered in the form of quarters and halves.

3. Middle East peace talks rescheduled because they conflict with the National Finals Rodeo.

2. No more walking across the lawn to get on that helicopter—he takes a 4-wheeler.

1. There’s a roping dummy in the Oval Office. £

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