by Mark Parker
Parsons, Kansas —
10. Someone sees you leaving the doctor’s office, someone else overhears you have phytophthora root rot and by Sunday you’re in the “Pray for” list in the church bulletin.
9. You have coffee with your realtor buddy and later stop by to talk with your lender and, all of a sudden, you’re buying up half the county.
8. You decline to share how much you spent on your daughter’s show steer and the guesstimate jumps by $1,000 every time the topic comes up.
7. Your wife has a twin sister living north of here and someone spots her having lunch with some guy who isn’t you.
6. A neighbor sees you talking to one of his landlords and there’s mass hysteria that you’re roaming the countryside undercutting rental agreements.
5. The elderly lady down the road believes you put up a couple of bins that block her view of your driveway because “something funny is going on up there.”
4. After working calves, you go to town for lunch not knowing there’s a fleck of manure on your earlobe—speculation is that you’re now sporting an earring, maybe an emerald.
3. You haul some culls to town a week after selling a chisel you haven’t used for years and you’re a step away from declaring bankruptcy.
2. You jokingly tell somebody you “liquidated your metals holdings” after taking some aluminum cans to the recycler and now you’re getting calls from investment brokers.
1. Since you just moved to the area 35 years ago, there’s still the possibility you’re in the witness protection program. £