Farm Talk

April 3, 2013

The Top Ten indications the local TV weatherman isn’t up to the job

by Mark Parker

Parsons, Kansas — 10. He predicts mainly dark tonight with widely scattered light by morning.

9. He can’t figure out how that Doppler radar thing works so he just reads from the Farmer’s Almanac.

8. His rain forecast includes the terms “cow” and “flat rock.”

7. If he ever pronounced the name of your hometown correctly you’d faint.

6. His meteorology tools include a collection of wooly bear caterpillars and sows that may or may not be carrying sticks.

5. He devotes most of his time slot to how cumulonimbus clouds tend to look like Disney characters.

4. When he’s had a rough day, he just reruns a forecast from last month.

3. You’re suspicious of his “currently outside” shot since you can see the Eiffel Tower in the background.

2. He ends his forecast with, “chances of accuracy—less than 50 percent.”

1. His long-range forecast? “Warming up by July followed by a cool-down in December.” £