by Mark Parker
Parsons, Kansas —
10. The first step in making people believe you actually made that pie: burn the box it came in.
9. Disguising chicken so your cowboy husband will think it’s pheasant he shot last fall.
8. Creative lunch menu options: Bologna sandwich with mayonnaise, bologna sandwich with Miracle Whip.
7. Explaining that the only reason you don’t fix stuff like his mom used to is because you don’t want him to have a heart attack before dessert.
6. Body condition scoring the dog on the back porch to evaluate whether you’re fixing too much food or not enough.
5. Cooking on the rare side during planting/haying/harvesting/calving season since you’ll probably have to reheat the meal a couple of times.
4. Getting over the fact that the cookies you sent with him for a mid-afternoon snack will be handled by fingers covered with grease—or worse.
3. The two-word solution to feeding the branding crew: “Pizza Hut.”
2. Providing detailed food preparation instructions for when you’re gone: “Microwave is located between refrigerator and where you empty your pockets on the counter.”
1. Exploring the wonderful world of paper plates and plastic forks. £