Parsons, Kansas —
10. Replace Demo Derby night with a ballet recital.
9. Sub-par poultry cages result in chicken carnage during the dog show.
8. Book a carnival whose most exciting ride involves foundered Shetland ponies walking in a circle.
7. Tell every parent who complains about something to “get a life.”
6. Actually enforce the “nobody-fits-the-animal-but-the-kid” rule.
5. You know the hog judge who got chased to his pickup a few years ago? Heeee’s baaaack!
4. Replace cotton candy, soda pop, deep-fried Snickers bars and giant turkey leg vendors with health food stands.
3. Relocate the knitting and crocheting exhibits to a couple of empty stalls in the hog barn.
2. Entry fee surcharge goes to a new recliner for Fair Board office.
1. Insult the child of any mother, anywhere, anytime. £