by Mark Parker
Parsons, Kansas —
10. Spends half his time texting his girlfriend and the other half receiving texts from his girlfriend.
9. Leaves the truck radio tuned to a hip hop station cranked to maximum volume.
8. Tags his glove to a steer’s ear and vaccinates you for blackleg.
7. Feeds your hay to the neighbor’s cows.
6. Points out that you’re older than his grandfather.
5. Asks for next week off.
4. Obliterates every mailbox between the house and the field.
3. Locks keys in grain truck while he runs into the convenient store for a Mountain Dew.
2. Unhooks the gooseneck and drives away with the tail gate up.
1. Tells the miracle product salesman that you’re hiding in the barn.