by Mark Parker
Parsons, Kansas —
10. Second floor window replacement due to inattentive backing of grain auger.
9. A new mailbox because, well heck, that new planter really is wider than the old one, isn’t it?
8. Siding repair since the rotary mower “discovered” the wrench you lost last week.
7. Deck repair as a result of being kind-hearted and letting the saddle horse graze the yard when, apparently, he prefers to chew on wood.
6. Extensive landscape work because the kids’ show pigs seem to like petunias.
5. Porch railing repair even though that gelding had never pulled back before.
4. A little touch-up paint and putty for the front door after the dog and an armadillo reenacted the Ali-Frazier fight.
3. Gutter downspout replacement because a cow that got out had an itch she couldn’t reach.
2. Carpet replacement because, 1. motor oil doesn’t come out and, 2. carpet is cheaper than divorce.
1. Assorted cleanup and repair because the escaped bull didn’t like the looks of the bull staring back at him in the patio door. £