by Mark Parker
Parsons, Kansas —
10. She irons saddle blankets—but not clothes.
9. You’re in big trouble for leaving a coffee cup ring on the table while the horse can chew through the south side of the barn and she worries he’s not getting enough fiber.
8. You search the cupboards for a snack but can find only Apple Cinnamon Horse Treats.
7. When she was little, she had an imaginary horse instead of an imaginary friend.
6. Her DVD collection includes Seabiscuit, National Velvet, The Horse Whisperer, Flicka, Hidalgo, Casey’s Shadow, Dreamer, Black Beauty and The Black Stallion—and you’ve seen each a hundred times.
5. It was tough to name your kids because she’d already used all her favorite names for horses.
4. When she wants you or the kids to stop doing something, she says, “Whoa.”
3. She is the Will Rogers of the equine world—she never met a horse she didn’t like.
2. One of your biggest fights started when you referred to her horse as a “jug-headed, club-footed son-of-a-(gun).”
1. Lately, she’s been pointing out to you that old horses may get a little gray but they don’t go bald. £