by Mark Parker
Parsons, Kansas —
10. He forms a committee to investigate whether or not it’s time to cut hay.
9. Bumper stickers appear on all implements, cows and farm dogs.
8. He is shocked and appalled about the cows getting into the neighbor’s garden and agrees to pay reparations but doesn’t fix the fence.
7. He goes on a lot of fact-finding missions but never seems to get any smarter.
6. He comes up with a thousand-and-one cow culling guidelines but never gets around to sorting them off.
5. None of the beans get harvested on time because it conflicts with his fall recess.
4. He ups the fertilizer rate on your corn and then saves money by cutting the seeding rate in half.
3. You can now only purchase inputs from businesses that contribute to his campaign.
2. You offer to raise his salary if he promises to stop doing anything.
1. The Chinese government now has a 50 percent stake in your operation. £