10. Yes, you should have tightened the clothesline like your wife asked but is it your fault that the dog trots by with a lady’s foundation garment in his mouth when she’s standing in the yard talking to the minister?

9. It’s tough to show a lot of up-close and personal affection for a critter that eats cow manure and rolls on possums in advanced states of decomposition.

8. He barks like he’s the baddest varmint terminator in the county as long as he can do it from the porch—in the middle of the night.

7. Well heck, dogs do this sort of thing but, c’mon, every single tire on the whole darn place?

6. Your stock dog always seems to have a different opinion as to which calves need to be sorted off.

5. Schwan’s and UPS refuse to stop at your place but anhydrous thieves make themselves right at home.

4. Cattle apparently bore him but he will absolutely heel the heck out of that spooky colt you’ve been trying to ride.

3. It’s not like you’re a big fan of moles but he’s dug more tunnels than a coal company.

2. The word “cow” sends your dog cowering away to hide underneath the truck.

1. There’s a dead rooster on your front steps and the neighbor just pulled in the driveway—yeah, the one with the prize chickens.