10. He owns a Watusi-Piedmontese-Murray Grey-Holstein-Scottish Highlander bull with a 60-inch vertical leap and excessive libido.

9. Call it “wildlife habitat” if you want, but that piece of ground just south of you has enough cocklebur, giant ragweed and johnsongrass to reseed the Northern Hemisphere.

8. He dotes on his wife—a fact that is not lost on your wife.

7. Either he’s got a better rain gauge or Mother Nature just likes him better.

6. He trades pickups every year.

5. His dogs have a real knack for chasing cows and staying just out of range.

4. His brother-in-law is a banker and they have their eye on the place right across the road from you.

3. His kids never get into trouble.

2. Somehow, he irritated the county commissioner so you haven’t seen a road maintainer since 1983.

1. He doesn’t have a darn thing you need to borrow.