10. Plant corn when hedge tree leaves are the size of a squirrel’s ear—unless it’s Bt corn in which case you’ve got to find a biologically engineered squirrel.

9. The soil is ready to till when you pick up a clod, throw it at the miracle product salesman’s car and it makes a high-pitched “ping” sound.

8. Spring has arrived when the parts counter guy at the implement dealership develops a nervous twitch.

7. The best rain dance is a cab-less tractor pulling a wagonload of uncovered bags of seed.

6. If the sows are carrying sticks, it either means it’s going to rain or they have unresolved psychological issues.

5. If your seedsman’s answering machine message says he’s out of town for a few days, it’s time to replant corn.

4. The best time to burn native pastures is when the neighbor lady who complains a lot is gone for the day.

3. Spring has arrived when the ground is ready to plant, you promised the kids you’d take them somewhere and your wife wants you to till up a new flower bed to mow around.

2. Spring has arrived when you’re just about ready to paste the guy at the co-op who keeps saying, “well, never turn down a nice rain.”

1. Never trust your neighbor; he may be just driving an empty planter around.