10. “Say, you haven’t seen a buckskin gelding with the side mirror of an ‘02 Chevy pickup tied to his reins, have you?”

9. “The kid shows up to pick up my daughter for their date and he looks like he was at ground zero during a jewelry store explosion.”

8. “Those EPDs were makin’ my head spin so I closed my eyes, opened the catalog and pointed and I’ll be darned if I didn’t end up with the high-seller.”

7. “When Bob’s combine comes in, Bill gets his trade-in, Frank gets Bill’s trade-in and I get Frank’s trade-in—if it’s still running.”

6. “So anyway, my banker’s been reading about the ethanol boom and he wants me to plant the yard and road ditch to corn.”

5. “He’s tried emus, alpacas and chinchillas so I suppose polled Longhorns had to show up sooner or later.”

4. “I sold a dozen feeder pigs and still didn’t have enough money to buy the show pig my son wanted.”

3. “My wife says I can’t hay that south field unless I do it at night or on cloudy days—the neighbor lady on that side likes to sunbathe.”

2. “Nope, haven’t bought a thing but I have driven the market up a time or two.”

1. “You’ll think I’m crazy but I swear I just saw a buckskin gelding with the side mirror of an ‘02 Chevy pickup tied to his reins run by the window.”