10. Why would anybody want a chauffeur to drive them around when that means they’d have to get all the gates?

9. Why would anyone voluntarily wear a tie to supper in their own house even if nobody has died or gotten married?

8. Why have 20-acre front yards when you could take a little Roundup and a no-till drill and raise some beans—heck, you could even irrigate out of that fountain.

7. Why would they employ gardeners when there isn't a tomato cage on the place?

6. Why do they eat the fish eggs and throw the fish away?

5. Why would they listen to Beethoven and Bach when those guys apparently don’t even know how to play a pedal steel guitar?

4. How can they stand to not buy a new four-wheel drive tractor when they've got all that money laying around.

3. Why would they mess around with a big yacht when it would be such a pain in the rear to move it from one farm pond to another.

2. Why waste a good horse by running around trying to hit a little ball with an over-sized croquet mallet?

1. Why would anybody want a maid and a butler when that'd make it darned uncomfortable to sit around in your underwear watching TV?